Embrace Your Inner Gremlin
My gremlin showed up again last month.
I’d been having a bunch of productive conversations with a prospective client regarding a very large fundraising consulting project. Things were going well and everything felt on track.
Until… they asked me to submit a proposal.
I declined. I told them I just didn’t have the bandwidth to take it on.
But that wasn’t the real reason. I opted out because my gremlin was screaming in my ear:
“You’re not smart enough! You’re not qualified! This project is bigger than anything you’ve ever done before!”
So I referred them to a couple of other consultants and I walked away.
But then, last week, they circled back. “We really want to work with you. If we adjust our timeline, would you be willing to submit a proposal?”
I said okay and yesterday I sat down to write.
Sure enough, and despite the explicit validation that I had just received from the chair of the board of the organization, that damn gremlin was back yelling at me.
So I thanked him for showing up. Then I reminded him that I have been doing these types of projects for 30 years and that I had all of the qualifications the client was seeking.
We All Have Gremlins
The gremlin is our ego talking.
It’s the voice in our head that tells us we are not smart, good, worthy, or beautiful enough.
It thinks it’s protecting us — from embarrassment, failure, or worse. But what it’s really doing is getting in the way of us living our optimal life.
So we need to build a different relationship with it. As a coach, I lead my clients through a process with the acronym AIR:
Awareness.
What does your gremlin look like (mine is an evil-looking Yoda)? What does it sound like? How does it feel inside your body? When does it show up and what, specifically, does it say to you?
Now give it a name. A real name — like Victor (but not your ex-partner’s name).
Next, reduce the gremlin’s influence by bringing it to the surface. Acknowledge and validate it.
Integration.
When you acknowledge it, you lessen its power. You weaken it further by thanking it for showing up: “Thank you for stopping by. I hear your concerns.”
No anger, no argument. Just acknowledge and validate the gremlin’s presence. Remember, it’s just trying to help you (so it thinks).
Now give it a new job. When I write a proposal, I ask my gremlin to cheer for me. That quiets it down and lets me focus.
Release.
The gremlin never leaves entirely. But now you have given it a new purpose.
Over time, with practice, the voice becomes quieter and its negative hold on you becomes weaker.
The release is life-altering.
What’s Holding You Back?
The gremlin is fear-based. It’s especially active when we are faced with the possibility of big change:
I can’t quit my job and become a freelance writer… I'm not smart enough.
I can’t ask for that promotion… I’m not good enough.
I should break up with her… I'm not worthy of love.
Nonprofit leaders have gremlins, too.
I coach a CEO who has a persistent fundraising gremlin; it tells her that nobody is going to help the organization raise money. So she resists engaging the board or establishing a development committee.
Why? Because she is scared to ask people for money… so she thinks no one else wants to do it, either. Her gremlin is holding her back from leading the organization and reaching her full potential. And, quite honestly, she is holding the organization back from reaching its full fundraising capacity.
When my clients’ gremlins show up, I always ask the same question: Is this really true… or is this a part of you that believes you are less than you really are?
More often than not, when we welcome the gremlin in and look it straight in the eye, we eventually see that it is more shadow than reality.
Take Back Control
Spring is here. It’s a great time to plant the seeds of growth, change, and self-awareness — so that you can become the leader you want to be. That leader is already inside of you. You just need to make friends with a few gremlins to allow your light to shine even brighter.
The next time your gremlin shows up, invite it to sit down and have a cup of tea. Thank it for coming by; then give it something more supportive to do.
Your gremlin isn’t going anywhere. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship with it.
Gotta run. I’ve got a proposal to write and a gremlin who needs some talking to.