What I Learned In High School
Let me be clear. This isn’t about what I learned when I went to high school… it’s about what I learned as I lived through that same four-year journey with my son, Morgan, who graduated earlier this month.
As I sat there for three and a half freezing hours with the other friends and family members of this year’s Brookline High School graduation class, I couldn’t help but think about what he’s been through and how far he’s come.
High school is challenging enough. Toss in a pandemic, subsequent school shut-down, and an abrupt switch to never-before-tried remote learning, and you’ve got the makings of a shit show.
But he made it. And even though it’s been rough (for everyone), what we have all had to learn is how to pivot, on a dime, and change as the circumstances demand.
If that sounds a lot like what you’ve endured as a nonprofit leader these past few years, read on for some lessons that came to mind on that cold and rainy Sunday afternoon…
#1. “That’s the way we’ve always done it,” doesn’t work anymore.
Don’t like taking all your classes from home? Wish you could still see your friends every day at school and elsewhere? Missing band or drama or Friday night football games?
Sorry, those things are off the menu. Morgan learned fast that wishing life was still the way it used to be wasn’t helpful.
Likewise, the nonprofits that survived (and even thrived) during the pandemic took a similar approach. Kripalu, the largest spiritual retreat center in North America (I sit on the Board), had zero online presence in early 2020. But within a few months after Covid hit, they had shifted to 100% online.
When the campus reopened in August 2021, they could have gone back to the old approach. Instead, and now serving a much larger community that is literally worldwide, they made a permanent shift to having different programs and classes, both in person on their campus in Lenox, MA and online. This serves two very different audiences and requires different demands on the staff. When a program on campus is very popular, they offer a hybrid option.
If you want to thrive in this new way of living, you’ve got to be an organism and an organization that is always growing and changing. That requires meeting the needs of your community and identifying opportunities. Not just holding tight to what’s always been.
#2. Vulnerability is strength.
With remote learning, it’s hard for teachers to see who’s struggling. Morgan had to learn to be vulnerable — to tell his teachers when he needed support. At one point, that meant taking a remedial math class to catch up. He was embarrassed.
But he did it and he’s stronger now in math than he ever would have been. He’s learned that showing vulnerability is an asset.
As a leader, you have the same choice. Vulnerability may mean admitting to your staff that you made a huge mistake. Or that you bit off too much with a new plan and you need to scale back. Or that you need more time to get the answer the Board is looking for, because not everything is at your fingertips.
Until you tell people what’s really going on — you made a mistake, you need more help, you are having struggles at home — they can’t support you in doing what’s best for the organization.
#3. Communication carries the day.
Since he didn’t see teachers and other students in person for a couple of years, Morgan had to up his communication game. While his in-person social skills may have taken a hit, he learned to craft emails and text messages to ensure they were not misinterpreted. And we all became skilled at reading other people’s faces on Zoom.
For Morgan and kids like him, one of the silver linings of the pandemic is that they learned how to function in an entirely different way. His class is much closer to one another and connected in a way that is fundamentally different (and better) than with previous generations.
We all need to continue using the new communication skills we have honed. That means not making assumptions about what other people know; not interpreting situations in the absence of valid information; and ensuring that we have frequent and deliberate communications with our team and our Board.
Communication is still the key to building successful and productive long-term relationships in nonprofit organizations — and in life.
#4. Let things go.
As Morgan’s graduation day neared, my friends kept asking if I was worried about the weather which was looking increasingly horrible. I wasn’t. I had no control over it and intended to be there no matter what nature brought.
When we hold on too tightly to things — especially things beyond our control — we do little to advance a solution and, in fact, often get in the way. If, instead, we lead with a “let them” principle — allowing our teams to do their jobs — we get better results and have less stress overall.
As leaders, we often behave as if we are the glue that keeps everything together. But it’s our team that has the boots on the ground; we need to loosen our grip and listen to what they see and recommend and simply "let them” do their jobs.
#5. Be grateful.
A recent NY Times article made a simple suggestion: each day, think about one thing for which you are grateful. Today, I’m grateful Morgan got through high school successfully, got accepted into college, and is excited about his next chapter of life.
Gratitude is a powerful leadership tool — both in bolstering how you feel, as well as in empowering others. When times are difficult, it’s easy to focus on just the negative. I encourage you to take time at the end of each day to express your appreciation for one person — send them a short email or text message of gratitude — and think about what’s going well in your world.
Lots to Learn
Whether you spent the last four years in high school or out in the working world, it’s been a long, twisting, challenging road for all of us.
But it wasn’t all bad and there were positive lessons at every turn. I look forward to talking with you in another four years when the lessons of college have taken shape!