Getting Comfortable With Discomfort
I played in my first ever tennis tournament last weekend. My best friend, Andie, is an amazing player and she asked me to partner with her.
Believe me, it’s not because of my tennis skills. I had about 10 lessons in 2021, broke my wrist going for a backhand, and just started up again last spring. So I’ve only been playing for about two years.
But this is a special tournament — two people of any level can play together. The four-day event is social and fun, and the environment is very supportive. So when she invited me a couple of months ago, I said yes.
About two weeks before the tournament, my gremlin showed up. I started to freak out: I’m not ready; I’m going to embarrass myself; it’s going to ruin our friendship; I have no business playing in a tournament.
I know, it’s just a friendly event. But the gremlin doesn’t behave in rational ways — it’s a fear-based voice in our heads that tries to prevent us from doing big, new things because it wants us to stay small.
And whether freaking out about a tennis tournament or leading a nonprofit in a moment of crisis, these fears can hold us back and make us play small.
When those voices arrive, these are the concepts I urge my clients (and myself!) to remember…
Lean Into the Discomfort
Leaning in has three parts:
Awareness. “What am I resisting? What am I trying to control? How does it feel in my body?” What are the gremlins saying when shit is starting to go down around you?
In my case, as I was practicing the week before the tournament, I was so up in my head that I forgot the foundations of all of my swings. I couldn’t even hit a simple forehand! It took some time for me to become aware of what was going on.
Acceptance. Acknowledge what a hot mess things are — we can’t move forward until we do. It means releasing expectations and attachment to particular outcomes or paths. When we view discomfort as a teacher, we uncover opportunities.
Surrender. We can fight, or we can make the most of what’s happening: “I have a tournament coming up. Where is the opportunity?” Surrendering to the discomfort means leaning into the challenge. Once we surrender, things soften immediately.
Presence in the Moment
In tennis, presence means not thinking about the last point or the next point — only the point that is happening right now.
For a leader, the same concept holds: one meeting at a time, one phone call at a time, one “task” at a time throughout the day. Always coming back to the here and now.
Ultimate performance requires complete freedom from distraction.
Conscious Choice
The more present and sharper you are, the quicker and better able you will be to make the best choices. You practice discernment and nonjudgement, and simultaneously use logic, emotion, and intuition to make quick and accurate decisions.
When we are in the zone of conscious choice, we are not reacting to situations… we are responding to them and adjusting based on what is happening in front of us.
Trust in the Process
I don’t want you to think I enjoyed the discomfort in the days leading up to the event or when I played poorly during the tournament. I didn’t, it sucked.
There was one match where we were losing so badly, I just wanted to walk off the court. I even thought to myself, “Maybe I will get injured, so I don’t have to play for the rest of the tournament.” Imagine that! I wished myself physical harm so I could end the emotional discomfort.
But I had trust in my skills and a belief that I would come out a better tennis player at the end of the tournament. Eventually, I adjusted to the clay court, I learned to serve with the sun in my eyes, and I started to remember my form. Even losing taught me to make modifications along the way. By Day Four, we finally won our first match.
Positive Mindset
Throughout the tournament, I would talk to myself as if the things I wanted were already true: "I nailed this serve, we won this game, we won this match." I did this for four straight days in order to hold it together.
If you are a leader in the midst of it, you need to do the same. You have to work not to go to the dark place.
Above All, Work With Your Gremlin
When we get this feeling of powerlessness, we have to lean in. We need to confront our gremlin and ask what will happen if we take the chance and accept whatever challenge is in front of us. Our gremlin wants us to stay small and we feel uncomfortable because we are ready to grow.
That’s when the gremlin gets quiet because it knows you are in a different place. Someone who will grow from the experience of whatever happens and emerge on the other side as a better, stronger, more capable leader.
In 2023, I embraced a journey of self-discovery marked by numerous "firsts," including participating in this tennis tournament that pushed me beyond my comfort zone. With the theme of "fearlessness" guiding this year, I now find the theme of "uncharted horizons" emerging as my outlook for 2024. This theme symbolizes my belief that life's adventures and achievements have limitless possibilities when one remains open to change and ready to seize new opportunities.